Why I'm not a fan of "Love Languages"

And, for that matter, focusing on "felt needs" as they relates to deep relationships. It's almost as if we concentrate on things that lesser, casual relationships need, when we're involved in the deepest and most important relationships we have. These are wise, paradigm-changing words from Paul Tautges

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Warming Up a Cold Marriage

by Paul Tautges

“Often I will illustrate the difference between a need and desire this way:

‘If you held me underwater in a swimming pool, I would fight you to the end because I need air. A need is something you cannot live without. But when you elevate desires to the level of needs, there is some form of idolatry going on, and if you don’t repent of your idolatry, that craving will wreck the relationship from which you are trying to extract that perceived need.’

A common rebuttal to the ‘need theory’ concepts [in marriage counseling] is that we need love. What we really need, however, is a relationship with God; if we have that, and the relationship is right, our demands on other humans to meet our cravings for love should not be controlling. If you are resting in the gospel, you can turn the tables on all your relationship; rather than being a deficient taker, you can be an abundant giver. Rather than expecting others to meet your inordinate craving for love, you will be able to love others. You will be Christlike. He did not come here to be loved, but to serve (see Mark 10:45).”

For the guys. . . . for the girls

This weekend, with my beautiful wife, I was able to see "Larry Crowne", a great new film from Tom Hanks.

Without qualification, let me say. . . .every man (especially married ones) need to see this movie. It is a parable for our time. Larry shows us how to treat a woman. Larry shows us how to deal with huge loss. Larry shows us what hard work and diligence does. Larry shows us what respect and honor are. And, lest you think it's a "preach down to the guys" thing. . . . Larry is largely un-impressive, didn't go to college, and can't dress himself.

The movie also shows us the "other side" of manhood in our day. . which is the "guy, just being a guy" (see the movie) philosophy. It shows the tragedy that pornography brings to our society. And, it shows us how women really feel about pornography (regardless of what they might say). It's a great flick. The only downside I would say, is that it actually shows two examples of porn (no nudity) that are regrettable. .but I'm not sure they could've told the story effectively in any other way.

See the movie guys. . . just see it. Your wife/girlfriend will like it too.

And even if you don't like it. . .you just scored one for movies that actually have a story and are well-written, and don't rely on CGI, loud bass, and exploding Robots/Vampires/Monsters to make money (we could feel the bass from the theater next to us)

For the Ladies this week. . here's a pretty direct, blunt, but encouraging word from The Resurgence. I find there to be a lack of "straight talk" for women in our modern church culture. Of course, you talk to women in a different way then men (different post). . but it seems to me like sometimes things need to be said directly to women that are avoided. . and this piece does not do that.

Ladies, check it out.

I hope these two things are helpful to you if you're 1) a man or 2) a woman :) Besides those groups, they don't really apply.

Just feeling grateful and a little sad about the David Crowder Band this morning

The song that blew the lid off of 25 years of worship music. . . . Thanks Dave and the boys. . we'll miss you.

(and if you live in the denver area and aren't going to their last tour ever. . . . you're not trying)

I'm sure there will be more random thoughts as October approaches. . .these guys were a huge influence on me. But for now, enjoy the song that changed alot of things for worship pastors and churches in our day.

Happy 4th!