. . .because this is worth every penny. . . . .
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A wise man once said. . . dogs and kids can smell fear.
Okay, I made that up, but I think it's true. One thing I've learned with 4 small kids (but still mess up all the time) is to make your kids feel comfortable with the situation. If your kids are nervous, they will either start to act out, or go into a shell depending upon their personality and what has happened in the past in those situations.
Here's some things you can do to help your kids not be nervous.
1) Let them know what is going on.
This includes not keeping the truth from them just because you don't want to talk about it, or you don't think you have time or are up to it. If kids don't know what is happening, or what a certain issue is that you're talking about. . . they get nervous. Sure, you might need to give the "4 year old" version of a topic. But, silence or lying breeds nervousness.
2) Don't fight ugly in front of them
I think it's healthy for kids to see their parents disagree and "fight" a bit. But, when your marital spats get loud and ugly. . you should probably push the pause button if the kids are around. I know this first hand from my parents' divorce. But, even in my own life. . . one time Jody and I were having one of those fights and I saw Providence walk off and kind of hide herself. I said "I'm sorry mom and I were fighting like that. . . we're just working something out. . . . how does that make you feel". And, she flat out told me. . "Dad, that makes me nervous". That was one of my worst days as a Dad.
3) If you're talking about dying, moving, or something important to them. . . sit down and look them in the eye.
Once we were talking about the fact that we might have to move, (the girls were excited and jumping around). . .Sam closed up. After a few minutes he said "Enough with all of this moving stuff" (exact words). "Why", I asked. "It makes me nervous" says Sam. 'nuff said. Moving is stressful on kids. Figure out what other things cause your kids stress and try to be really close, quiet, and reassuring to them in those moments.
4) Teach them the sovereignty and love of God
After Sam's moment, I told him "I don't want you to be scared about moving to another house because God's in charge of everything, and I"ll be here and we'll all be together". I think that helped, it looked like it did.
Let your kids know that God isn't Santa Claus in a robe (don't get me started on Santa), Grandfather woos-boy, or anything else. . . . Tell them that God is in charge of the universe and that they don't need to be afraid.
Especially after you discipline your kids, (which is a must, and if your kids don't have boundaries, that's making them nervous). Give them a hug quickly, and restore the relationship. Show them what Grace is after you show them what obedience is.
5) Give your kids boundaries and schedules
You can take this one overboard and get crazy. In fact I think parents get more stressed out than the kids sometimes when the schedule gets off. Oh yeah, by the way. . . that makes kids stress out when you're stressing all over them. Dad's, this is on you. Man up and define what is and is not a crisis. If it isn't a crisis, give everyone a hug and tell them it's going to be ok. Set the tone in those moments. Having lunch an hour late is not reason to freak out, get in a marital fight and feel guilt over ruining the day's schedule.
Having said that, if your kids are running over you and everyone else, and aren't getting proper sleep or nutrition. . .guess what. . . they're going to get stressed out. You know, like YOU do when you don't get enough sleep, eat poorly, and run yourself ragged. Let your kids know how it's going to go down, in a quiet way, . .and then hold to it.
None of this is an excuse for sin from your kids. They need to be disciplined when they're acting out, and need to be shown how to act and react properly even in weird situations.
But, as parents we can set an environment that helps kids react well, and helps give them confidence in us and in God.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Worship lyric misconceptions #1
I"m going to start a series of blogs on errors in worship music lyrics. Now, if you know anything about this blog, that commits me to absolutely nothing beyond this post. :)
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#1 "We're desperate for You,. . .we need your presence more than anything. . . Won't you come and fill this place. . . " (all real worship music lyrics from recent songs)
I"ll call this one the "Omni-present error", as in, God is Omni-present, and we're singing to Him, right?
Here's some verses that show how God is omni-present (present everywhere at the same time because He exists inside and outside of time and in some way, everywhere all the time).
2 Chronicles 6:17-19
Psalm 139:7-12
7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
11If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,"
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
I know this is a hard thing to get our heads around. My kids have alot of trouble understanding that they can pray to God all the time, not just when we're reading the bible at night. I think we all forget that God is always there from time to time.
Now, It is good and right for usk to ask God to "come" in a certain way or for a certain purpose. Such as "come in your power" if you're in the middle of a difficult situation, or "come in truth" if we need to be shown what is right on an issue. So, I guess I wish more songs would ask for those things instead of just asking for the presence of God, which we have.
As a side note: I think we do often (I know I do) neglect to mention and remind folks that "God is here" when we meet together. We could go a whole Sunday without realizing that if we're not careful. That's probably why some of the songs mentioned at the top were written. But, we can do a better job. . the old worship orders and liturgies do that. . . . we can also write better songs today that explain what we mean in a clearer way.
Aaron
ps. I know "Breathe" is one of the most popular worship songs of the last 20 years, and I know that you can understand "I'm desperate for You" in many different ways. But, it seems like the demeanor I see that song led in. . . is one of being desperate for God's presence. . . . which we definitely aren't. That's like being desperate for skin on my body.
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#1 "We're desperate for You,. . .we need your presence more than anything. . . Won't you come and fill this place. . . " (all real worship music lyrics from recent songs)
I"ll call this one the "Omni-present error", as in, God is Omni-present, and we're singing to Him, right?
Here's some verses that show how God is omni-present (present everywhere at the same time because He exists inside and outside of time and in some way, everywhere all the time).
2 Chronicles 6:17-19
17Now therefore, O LORD, God of Israel, let your word be confirmed, which you have spoken to your servant David.
18"But will God indeed dwell with man on the earth? Behold, heaven and the highest heaven cannot contain you, how much less this house that I have built! 19Yet have regard to the prayer of your servant and to his plea, O LORD my God, listening to the cry and to the prayer that your servant prays before you,
Psalm 33:14
from where he sits enthroned he looks out on all the inhabitants of the earth,
Psalm 139:7-12
7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
11If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,"
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
I know this is a hard thing to get our heads around. My kids have alot of trouble understanding that they can pray to God all the time, not just when we're reading the bible at night. I think we all forget that God is always there from time to time.
Now, It is good and right for usk to ask God to "come" in a certain way or for a certain purpose. Such as "come in your power" if you're in the middle of a difficult situation, or "come in truth" if we need to be shown what is right on an issue. So, I guess I wish more songs would ask for those things instead of just asking for the presence of God, which we have.
As a side note: I think we do often (I know I do) neglect to mention and remind folks that "God is here" when we meet together. We could go a whole Sunday without realizing that if we're not careful. That's probably why some of the songs mentioned at the top were written. But, we can do a better job. . the old worship orders and liturgies do that. . . . we can also write better songs today that explain what we mean in a clearer way.
Aaron
ps. I know "Breathe" is one of the most popular worship songs of the last 20 years, and I know that you can understand "I'm desperate for You" in many different ways. But, it seems like the demeanor I see that song led in. . . is one of being desperate for God's presence. . . . which we definitely aren't. That's like being desperate for skin on my body.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Sports wrap up
I thought it was cool in my last post to say I would clarify "some things" and then just have one. :) To further illustrate my incompetence, I then numbered the point "1)" and didn't have a number 2 or anything else. . . . .I'll stick to banging on the piano, thank you.
Sports wrap up.
1) College Football: The PAC 10 stinks. I think the Big 10 stinks too, but they have had some favorable matchups in the bowls that they've been able to win. You can't judge much on a non-title bowl game. . .it's kind of a gift to the players and program for the season. Some teams don't take it seriously.
And oh yeah. . .someone give me one reason why the Big East gets a BCS bid and not the WAC? Cincinnati did not represent themselves well. I remember a few years ago when a mediocre (at best) Nebraska team beat Pitt. in the non-conference. Pitt lost 3 or 4 games that year, and didn't really do anything of note. They were the "automatic" Big East bid for a BCS game. :) It was a travesty, and this year was no different. The Big East is a basketball conference. . .that's it.
2) The NBA. Well the Nuggets fell off a bit with injuries and inconsistent play. I think this is a good thing. I think we will peak at the right time in late March and go on another run this year.
This has been a funny year. . . everyone is anointing the Lakers as the champs already and I don't think they look that good. When Denver is at full strength we beat down the Lakers and the Blazers. Let them all pound away on each other in January, we'll see where the chips fall.
Boston, if healthy is still the favorite in the East. That's a big "if", though. . . . They are mentally dominant over Orlando. . . Orlando wants nothing to do with them. Cleveland isn't scared and will beat the Celtics if any of Boston's key guys are injured. We'll see how the East goes, that will be interesting.
3) The NFL.
Again, this is what they wanted. . . . parity. It's a toss-up every year, and there's no dominant teams or risky owners. Congratulations, NFL. I think their product is suffering. But, it's the best sport to watch on T.V. so they'll always have that.
And, let me say. . . . . they have one of the worst fan experiences in sports. I went to the Broncos game 2 weeks ago and it is hardly worth 50 dollars(much less 300). Cold weather, long, long T.V. timeouts. . . terrible parking. . . .no thank you. I'll watch it on T.V.
Go Colts.. . Peyton deserves another ring.
4) Soccer
Go Uruguay
Sports wrap up.
1) College Football: The PAC 10 stinks. I think the Big 10 stinks too, but they have had some favorable matchups in the bowls that they've been able to win. You can't judge much on a non-title bowl game. . .it's kind of a gift to the players and program for the season. Some teams don't take it seriously.
And oh yeah. . .someone give me one reason why the Big East gets a BCS bid and not the WAC? Cincinnati did not represent themselves well. I remember a few years ago when a mediocre (at best) Nebraska team beat Pitt. in the non-conference. Pitt lost 3 or 4 games that year, and didn't really do anything of note. They were the "automatic" Big East bid for a BCS game. :) It was a travesty, and this year was no different. The Big East is a basketball conference. . .that's it.
2) The NBA. Well the Nuggets fell off a bit with injuries and inconsistent play. I think this is a good thing. I think we will peak at the right time in late March and go on another run this year.
This has been a funny year. . . everyone is anointing the Lakers as the champs already and I don't think they look that good. When Denver is at full strength we beat down the Lakers and the Blazers. Let them all pound away on each other in January, we'll see where the chips fall.
Boston, if healthy is still the favorite in the East. That's a big "if", though. . . . They are mentally dominant over Orlando. . . Orlando wants nothing to do with them. Cleveland isn't scared and will beat the Celtics if any of Boston's key guys are injured. We'll see how the East goes, that will be interesting.
3) The NFL.
Again, this is what they wanted. . . . parity. It's a toss-up every year, and there's no dominant teams or risky owners. Congratulations, NFL. I think their product is suffering. But, it's the best sport to watch on T.V. so they'll always have that.
And, let me say. . . . . they have one of the worst fan experiences in sports. I went to the Broncos game 2 weeks ago and it is hardly worth 50 dollars(much less 300). Cold weather, long, long T.V. timeouts. . . terrible parking. . . .no thank you. I'll watch it on T.V.
Go Colts.. . Peyton deserves another ring.
4) Soccer
Go Uruguay
Clarification
Thanks everyone for the kind words and notes about my last post. After reading it again, I felt the need to clarify some things.
1) I'm not just hoping for better circumstances in 2010. Better circumstances would be great, but they don't make or break your happiness. The truth of the matter is. . . circumstances reveal character. This is true in all of life. When things go bad. . . what kind of person are you? After most things went bad last year, I didn't like who I saw. So, that's a "me" problem, not a circumstances problem.
It's right and good to pray for circumstances to change. . .I have and will. . . . but that's not the end game. I want to thrive no matter what happens this year. And, I will undoubtedly have a better year than this man.
Aaron
1) I'm not just hoping for better circumstances in 2010. Better circumstances would be great, but they don't make or break your happiness. The truth of the matter is. . . circumstances reveal character. This is true in all of life. When things go bad. . . what kind of person are you? After most things went bad last year, I didn't like who I saw. So, that's a "me" problem, not a circumstances problem.
It's right and good to pray for circumstances to change. . .I have and will. . . . but that's not the end game. I want to thrive no matter what happens this year. And, I will undoubtedly have a better year than this man.
Aaron
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
2009 . . . . . honestly
Hi Everyone,
Well, it is near the end of 2009. It is also my birthday. . . a day that seems to always cause me to reflect on things. (I know. . I'm a huge ball of fun).
This has really been a hard year. I'm going to try and avoid all the "hardest year of my life" hyperbole, although I do feel that way at times. I think, mentally, and emotionally I probably did better this year than some of my college days.
But, the non-whining rundown is. . . we have big money problems. . . we had house problems (I replaced every major appliance in my house this year, save the refrigerator). . . we had extended family problems, . . . marriage was tough this year (Jody is a trooper). . . . I didn't write many songs this year. . . .I got back out of shape. . . . we had a house fire . . . .we had relational struggles with some friends. . . .ok I'll stop.
I'm fighting for joy right now in these things, because I know that God sovereignly ordered all of this into my life this year. He has a purpose in it. I know that to be true more than I know most anything else. And, that's a comfort.
I"m not a "why me" kind of guy. In fact, those close to me are often frustrated by my lack of "why me" and expectations for myself. I"m a "why not me" kind of guy. Why shouldn't I have financial problems? What silver spoon do I have in my mouth that would exclude me from homeowner difficulties? There isn't one. . .and none of us are owed anything or should expect a trouble-free 2010. Matt Chandler's ( a favorite of this blog) recent battle with brain cancer has again helped and reminded me of these truths which are important to keep in front of us.
So, that's not the problem. . I struggle more with "how can we get back to the way it was"--itis, which is probably almost as bad as "why me"--ism :) We can't get back. Life changes and we're forever changed by what God has for us. The good news is, for Christians, this change has a purpose and God is in all of it. The bad news is. . . it's often painful.
So, I"m hopeful again for 2010. I"m not hopeful for a pain-free 2010. I would like it to be a "lighter" year and a year filled with more eustress (stress that moves you forward and leads you to good action and initiative) and less distress (stress that causes my cholesterol to go up, fights to happen in my house, and a cloudy brain).
In fact that might be a big one. . my brain is cloudy these days and my thoughts are quickly distracted or gone. I know, I'm older :) but I need to do better this year at silence and solitude.
Perhaps working on the "out of shape" thing will help there as well.
But, I'm hopeful because God doesn't change and since he didn't withhold his own Son, he will "also with Him graciously give us all things". I know that's true. It was true in this hard year, and it will be true if 2010 is harder.
But, the fight for joy continues, I don't just want to survive 2010, I want to live it more to the Glory of God. . . . Pray for me.
Well, it is near the end of 2009. It is also my birthday. . . a day that seems to always cause me to reflect on things. (I know. . I'm a huge ball of fun).
This has really been a hard year. I'm going to try and avoid all the "hardest year of my life" hyperbole, although I do feel that way at times. I think, mentally, and emotionally I probably did better this year than some of my college days.
But, the non-whining rundown is. . . we have big money problems. . . we had house problems (I replaced every major appliance in my house this year, save the refrigerator). . . we had extended family problems, . . . marriage was tough this year (Jody is a trooper). . . . I didn't write many songs this year. . . .I got back out of shape. . . . we had a house fire . . . .we had relational struggles with some friends. . . .ok I'll stop.
I'm fighting for joy right now in these things, because I know that God sovereignly ordered all of this into my life this year. He has a purpose in it. I know that to be true more than I know most anything else. And, that's a comfort.
I"m not a "why me" kind of guy. In fact, those close to me are often frustrated by my lack of "why me" and expectations for myself. I"m a "why not me" kind of guy. Why shouldn't I have financial problems? What silver spoon do I have in my mouth that would exclude me from homeowner difficulties? There isn't one. . .and none of us are owed anything or should expect a trouble-free 2010. Matt Chandler's ( a favorite of this blog) recent battle with brain cancer has again helped and reminded me of these truths which are important to keep in front of us.
So, that's not the problem. . I struggle more with "how can we get back to the way it was"--itis, which is probably almost as bad as "why me"--ism :) We can't get back. Life changes and we're forever changed by what God has for us. The good news is, for Christians, this change has a purpose and God is in all of it. The bad news is. . . it's often painful.
So, I"m hopeful again for 2010. I"m not hopeful for a pain-free 2010. I would like it to be a "lighter" year and a year filled with more eustress (stress that moves you forward and leads you to good action and initiative) and less distress (stress that causes my cholesterol to go up, fights to happen in my house, and a cloudy brain).
In fact that might be a big one. . my brain is cloudy these days and my thoughts are quickly distracted or gone. I know, I'm older :) but I need to do better this year at silence and solitude.
Perhaps working on the "out of shape" thing will help there as well.
But, I'm hopeful because God doesn't change and since he didn't withhold his own Son, he will "also with Him graciously give us all things". I know that's true. It was true in this hard year, and it will be true if 2010 is harder.
But, the fight for joy continues, I don't just want to survive 2010, I want to live it more to the Glory of God. . . . Pray for me.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Best relationship advice I've heard in. . . . . ever
This little gem is from a CCEF booklet entitled Family Feuds: How to Respond by Tim Lane.
You can read the whole thing here. Even though this is mainly talking about relating to your extended family at Christmas. . . .I think this is great for marriage/parenting/any relationship . . . great stuff, and very helpful:
"Living with a conscious understanding of who you are in Christ can practically impact the way you love your family. Think of it this way: if you are very poor and someone steals a dollar from you, you’d be very angry and you’d try to make that person give you your dollar back. But if you are a multi-millionaire and someone takes $100 or even $1000 dollars from you, the offense, though real, doesn’t sting like it would if you were very poor. In the same way, when you become a Christian you are a spiritual multi-millionaire a millions times over!
Because of what Jesus did for you through his life, death, and resurrection, God has poured an unlimited amount of grace, forgiveness, love, commitment, security, and commitment into your life. Your spiritual wealth puts all of the slights, unmet expectations, and hurts of parents and siblings in a totally new light. It doesn’t mean you ignore or don’t feel the hurts, but they pale in comparison to what you have been given in Christ. Because of who you are in Christ, you don’t have to be overwhelmed and dominated by the sins and failures of your family. Instead you will be free to share with them the same grace and mercy God has given to you."
Tim Lane
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Two takes on the Tiger Woods story
I don't want to pile on Tiger Woods. I'm not proud of some of the things I've said about it this week. But, I found two good stories about the whole situation today. (one great. . one good)
CJ Mahaney blogs about Sin's pursuit of us and how "there but for the grace of God go I". . . A really, really great piece. I hope to one day find my first emotion in cases like this to be humility. I"m not there yet. But, this is a good word for all of us.
A sports columnist for the Omaha World-Herald had a different take. But, I think he has some good points as well.
What boggles my mind, though, is the idea that he thought he could get away with this, that it would never come out, that these women would keep quiet forever, that the constant media eye on him wouldn't eventually find out. He seemed actually upset that this is a story. Please, Tiger. You've used celebrity like no sports figure before you, even MJ, to become beloved world-wide and all the riches that come with it. Don't scold celebrity when it cuts the other way. This is not the media's fault. And please refrain from using the word "principles.''
That's Tom Shatel. . here's the whole piece. I certainly don't agree with all that he says. But, I do think it's fascinating, from a strictly human point of view, that he really didn't think any of this would come out. Amazing. As is the case with any marital infidelity, he obviously wasn't thinking clearly. And, it's a true statement that Tiger has used his celebrity status to make money, and now he's upset that it has cut the other way.
I just found that piece interesting. Now, go read the CJ Mahaney piece again for a great spiritual take on the whole thing that will actually help you. :)
Aaron
CJ Mahaney blogs about Sin's pursuit of us and how "there but for the grace of God go I". . . A really, really great piece. I hope to one day find my first emotion in cases like this to be humility. I"m not there yet. But, this is a good word for all of us.
A sports columnist for the Omaha World-Herald had a different take. But, I think he has some good points as well.
What boggles my mind, though, is the idea that he thought he could get away with this, that it would never come out, that these women would keep quiet forever, that the constant media eye on him wouldn't eventually find out. He seemed actually upset that this is a story. Please, Tiger. You've used celebrity like no sports figure before you, even MJ, to become beloved world-wide and all the riches that come with it. Don't scold celebrity when it cuts the other way. This is not the media's fault. And please refrain from using the word "principles.''
That's Tom Shatel. . here's the whole piece. I certainly don't agree with all that he says. But, I do think it's fascinating, from a strictly human point of view, that he really didn't think any of this would come out. Amazing. As is the case with any marital infidelity, he obviously wasn't thinking clearly. And, it's a true statement that Tiger has used his celebrity status to make money, and now he's upset that it has cut the other way.
I just found that piece interesting. Now, go read the CJ Mahaney piece again for a great spiritual take on the whole thing that will actually help you. :)
Aaron
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