Monday, June 9, 2008

Dude, where's my Indiana Jones?


So, my wife and I had a great date last night (yeaheeee) that was, unfortunately, capped off by seeing "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull".

I don't hesitate to say that this was the worst movie I've seen in years. In fact, I couldn't think of a worse movie, off the top of my head,. . .
(a few come to mind like, "Magnolia (sorry, didn't get it), Mr. Deeds, umm Jesus' son (don't ask), the one where Robin Williams works at the photo place, the remake of "Prince of Egypt" called "The Ten Commandments" (in Veggie-style CGI) )

But, I digress, . . that's another post.

This movie was TERRIBLE. And, George Lucas/Steven Spielberg/Kathleen Kennedy owe me $20.

Its amazing to see myself type this, because I was a HUGE Indiana Jones fan as a kid. I think that "The Last Crusade" is one of the top 10 movies, all time. I was absolutely looking forward to the new one.

Now, this movie did not just dissapoint in the "It was so much cooler when I was a kid" way. . . . like "Star Wars" (which, I think episode 1, is actually a fair movie). I understand the temptation there. . . .and we all had "Episode 4" on a pedestal for years, so the new "Star Wars" was destined to dissapoint. If you go back and watch "Star Wars, episode 4" there are some really bad/slow parts in that movie. What I'm trying to say is,. . it wasn't as good as we thought it was. This movie, (crystal skull), however, dissapointed in every way possible. Its a bad movie,. . . in any time period.

I challenge anyone to pop in the VHS (yes, VHS) of "The Last Crusade" and make a case that "Crystal Skull" is in the same universe, movie-wise.

My complaints. . . in no particular order (again. . . . randomness)

1. Aliens. . . are you serious? Aliens. that's all I have to say about that.

2. Trying to re-create iconic scenes from the old movies when we're not into the story yet (like Harrison Ford picking the Fedora up, 2 minutes into the movie)

3. Cate Blanchett, acting like that lady on "Rocky and Bullwinkle"

4. Harrison Ford forgetting how to act like "Indiana Jones".

5. freaking Aliens

6. The Russians missing Indiana with a Machine gun at a distance of 5 feet. (I know the old movies had some of this. . . . but they were like 20 feet away in the original movies. . . not point blank)

7. Cate Blanchett, supposedly being a terrifying mind-reader: the number of times she reads a mind in the movie. . . .zero.

8. Bringing back Karen Allen (which was good) and not
1) Sean Connery (I guess he would've been dead. . . . still makes more sense than aliens)
2) John Rhys-Davies (wait, did he die in "the last Crusade"? . . . still makes more sense than aliens)

See, the irony here, is that the original Indiana Jones movies have been getting ripped off for years (national treasure; laura croft; XXX, The Mummy. . .etc) and now it was like Spielberg was ripping off THOSE movies for "Crystal Skull".

In the original trilogy, there were, at least. . . . PLAUSIBLE scenarios in the movies. Supernatural suspension of disbelief,. . . yes. . . . but you were always thinking, "in this situation, this could happen". This movie was beyond "Action/Adventure" and was 100% "Fantasy".

Next time, why not have Darth Vader walk out and have a light sabre duel with Shia LaBeouf, interrupted by Captian Kirk phasering Chewbacca in the back!!!!!

makes more sense than aliens. . . . .



BMer916 said...

go see Iron Man!

Scott said...

i would have just stopped at point #1. Yeah, it was terrible.

aaron said...

yeah, I had alot of time in the theater to think about what I would say.

sorry, it was a bit long-winded :)